Dark gray clouds cover the sky as we walk across the field. The
humid air clings to my skin with every step I take. Gosh, I hope it does not rain, I think to myself. It is Saturday
morning and we are here to practice. It is 6:00 am and the rest of the world is
quiet. We stand in silence for a few minutes while we all wake up and begin focusing on being here. Then
we start to smile and joke around. We stretch, grab a partner and a
ball and start throwing to warm up.
As we line up to hit rain pours from the sky. Within seconds
our clothes are drenched but we continue hitting and no one complains. Standing
in line to hit I realize the pure determination and respect of my team. Not a
single teammate questions our coach about staying outside. We trust him
we know that whatever he is saying is the best for us. After an hour of hitting
our coach tells us to huddle up. We form a circle and he smiles, "Everyone
can go home now". Surprise comes across our captains faces, practices are
usually two hours, rain or shine. “You girls have stuck it out through the
rain today, without any complaints, that’s impressive”, explains our coach. “You
know that I believe with hard work also comes being a kid, you have to have
time to have fun with your friends, even during the season. There’s no point in
staying out in the rain”. Our team smiles and gathers our stuff, and we run
back inside.
Looking
back at this practice, many people wouldn’t think this small gesture of ending
practice early would make a difference. But it does. Our team shows the will
and the power to play this sport. We stick everything out as a team. I have
become so close with these girls and this coach. Before games and during
practice, we laugh and joke but we know that we are serious. This is our
season. Being part of this team gives you a strong feeling of acceptance. I
know that we are always behind each other. It is a powerful feeling because
with a team that is so close, you get an overwhelming feeling that makes you
want to perform at your very best every single game. You want to make your team
proud. I often think about the strength our team gets from little things. We
are strong but not cocky. We can joke around, but we can also buckle down and
get things done when we need to. With determination, strength, love and
acceptance our team continues to move forward in the season. We give each game
everything we have, and we are always improving. Only one motto stays in our
thoughts and minds, this is our season. And we continue moving forward.
Word Count: 482
The present tense works well for this piece, but for every entry so far you've used the present tense. I'd like yo to break out of this pattern for the next entry. I'll show you one thing about punctuating dialogue. Here is your segment:
ReplyDeleteAs we line up to hit rain pours from the sky. Within seconds our clothes are drenched but we continue hitting and no one complains. Standing in line to hit I realize the pure determination and respect of my team. Not a single teammate questions our coach about staying outside. We trust him we know that whatever he is saying is the best for us. After an hour of hitting our coach tells us to huddle up. We form a circle and he smiles, "Everyone can go home now". Surprise comes across our captains faces, practices are usually two hours, rain or shine. “You girls have stuck it out through the rain today, without any complaints, that’s impressive”, explains our coach. “You know that I believe with hard work also comes being a kid, you have to have time to have fun with your friends, even during the season. There’s no point in staying out in the rain”. Our team smiles and gathers our stuff, and we run back inside.
Here's how it should look:
As we line up to hit rain pours from the sky. Within seconds, our clothes are drenched but we continue hitting and no one complains. Standing in line to hit, I realize the pure determination and respect of my team. Not a single teammate questions our coach about staying outside. We trust him we know that whatever he is saying is the best for us.
After an hour of hitting our coach tells us to huddle up. We form a circle and he smiles. "Everyone can go home now," he says. Surprise comes across our captains' faces. Practices are usually two hours, rain or shine. “You girls have stuck it out through the rain today, without any complaints. That’s impressive," explains our coach. “You know that I believe with hard work also comes being a kid. You have to have time to have fun with your friends, even during the season. There’s no point in staying out in the rain." Our team smiles and gathers our stuff, and we run back inside.